The Three Michaels
Normally, I never put people's names in any of my posts just because I don't think it's a good idea. After all, I never know who is reading this lil' ole blog of mine. But in this case, I had to because it's just so friggin' odd. Three Michaels, three 'connections', all in one night. What is it with me and guys named Michael?
The First Michael - in my previous post, at the end, I mentioned meeting someone with whom I had a connection. I'd seen him out at the bars, we'd talked on the phone, and I was instantly attracted to his energy, his exuberance, his intelligence, and his snarkiness. Not to mention he's pretty fuckin' cute, too. So, last night, we went out on our first date. I took him to dinner and the conversation didn't flow quite as freely as I'd hoped, but it was still cool. Whenever he spoke he looked out the window or at the painting above my head, but he rarely ever looked at me. I hate that because it makes me feel like they're not interested, even if that's not the case. But all and all, dinner was fine. After that we walked back to his place and listened to music. See, he's a music lover like me, only a vastly different style of music than I'd ever heard. He introduced me to quite a few styles I'd never heard of before and it was very cool. I felt very comfortable around him. We spent about 3 hours at his place before I had to leave and go meet my friend at the bar. Of course, we made out a little bit, just kissing and stuff, but the music that was playing made it very sexy to me. It was fun. I tried to take off his shirt, but he was like "no. No clothes come off on the first date." I was very impressed. I don't know if that's a general rule or just a rule he had for me, but if it was a general rule, I was very impressed indeed. So, we kissed a little more and he walked me down and we said good night. My feeling is I'll see him again, but I dont' know how far it will go. While I definitely like him and I think he likes me as well, there were no wild sparks flying about, but who are we kidding, those sparks are extremely rare, especially on a first date. So, I have no idea what could develop. The key and the fun thing is just to take it bit by bit, one day and one date at a time. Like I said in my previous post, at the very least, I've met a great guy.
The Second Michael - I've referred to him previously as 'the boy'. I've referred to him previously as my ex. In fact, he is the one that broke my heart so recently that I set out on a mission to find real love. I don't know if I was in love with him or not, but I know I was absolutely fucking out of my mind crazy about him, that's for sure. When we broke up, I hurt ... real bad, so bad my friend had to dope me up on anxiety medication just so I could make it through the day. But you know what, I got over it. I got over him. And now, after I messed up and called him Sunday, he finally got around to calling me yesterday, right before my date with the first Michael, ironically enough. He apologized for not calling me Monday like he had promised and wanted us to get together. I told him, with a certain amout of pleasure, that I already had plans. He was very inquisitive about what I was doing and who I was having these plans with, and for some odd reason I took a small amount of pleasure in that, too. I told him we could get together Thursday (tonight) if he was free and he said he would have to get back to me because he didn't know whether or not he had plans. (*bullshit*) Now, one of my friends has already told me she would be really upset with me if I went out with him again. (She doesn't even think I should be speaking with him.) Everyone who knew about him told me from the jump he was not the one for me. Even I, when I stepped back and looked at it objectively, realized we were radically different. But why couldn't I delete his number on Sunday? Why can't I say 'no' to an invitation from him? Why, when everything he did and said annoyed the shit out of me at one point or another, did I crave to be with him soooo much when we were together? He was never mean, never abusive, I've never caught him in a lie (which is not to say he never lied) ... the reason I ended it with him is because he could not give me what I needed. He was not ready for a relationship with me ... or with anyone, in my opinion. And he wasn't willing to change. I honestly think he's just clueless about what it means to be 'boyfriends'. And I think he's still struggling with his sexuality. Nobody knows he's gay ... or bi or whatever. So, should I see him again? Even as friends? Is this a road I want to go down? I know I'm over him, but that's not to say I couldn't fall for him again because I could. The few moments we shared together that were good ... were SO fucking good! And I don't mean sexual wise, cuz he needs some work in that department, truth be told, but just the intimacy and being with him ... I've never felt like that with anyone in my life. It was and continues to be inexplicable and scary. And who's to say if we continue to be 'friends' that at some point in time he WILL finally grow up and mature and be ready for a relationship? Who's to say that I won't be available at that moment? And who's to say we wouldn't be perfect for each other ... someday? I know I'm dreaming, but I think I should at least keep the lines of communication open and be casual friends with him, because you never know how people will change or how your life will alter. I mean, he's only 23. I'm not even close to being the same man I was at 23! So, if he's willing to be friends, so am I, but I will ... I MUST ... protect my heart at all costs. And by all means, I'll keep looking "4 the real thing", keep dating and always keep being true to myself.
The Third Michael - I'm at the local gay bar again last night and I look over and see this really cute guy and immediately I know that I've seen him before, only not in person. I'd chatted with him online at least twice ... months and months ago! The fact that I remember him and remember talking with him and even remember what we talked about all those months ago is pretty significant. So, I walk up to him, in the bathroom of all places (ok, I followed him in there ... he was with friends, u know how hard that is!) and I said hello and said that we'd spoken online before. He remembered me but neither one of us could remember each others' names. Well, you already know his! So, he goes back to his friends after asking me if I'd be around for awhile. Later on we start talking. And we talk for about an hour. I'm really attracted to him physically, he has it going on the "life" dept., he's intelligent, he's humorous, and from what I can tell, he's available! I didn't ask for his number, though. I'd just had a good date, I didn't need to be pressed. But before we left, he asked for mine. Now, I know I know, just because a guy asks for your number doesn't mean he'll actually call you ... but, he programmed it into his phone and I'd already given him my "business card" and he had studied it (and it clearly had my number on there) and he asked for my number again anyway. Clearly, he did that to let me know he was interested? Well, I still didn't ask for his number. I didn't want it. You know from my previous post how I hate making the first call, yet I always find myself in that position, so I avoided putting myself in that position. So, he'll have to do it. I have a sneaking suspicion he won't, just because most men are so goddamned predictable and pussies, but if he does ... something could happen. I'd definitely be into him ... assuming of course he's not a jack ass, moron or serial killer.
So, there you have it ... 3 Michaels in one night. At this point, if I were a betting man I'd put my money on The First Michael to win the prize (the prize being me). But this is life, as you know, and in the game of life all bets are off!
"A man can tell a thousand lies, I've learned my lesson well." - Madonna, Live to Tell
The First Michael - in my previous post, at the end, I mentioned meeting someone with whom I had a connection. I'd seen him out at the bars, we'd talked on the phone, and I was instantly attracted to his energy, his exuberance, his intelligence, and his snarkiness. Not to mention he's pretty fuckin' cute, too. So, last night, we went out on our first date. I took him to dinner and the conversation didn't flow quite as freely as I'd hoped, but it was still cool. Whenever he spoke he looked out the window or at the painting above my head, but he rarely ever looked at me. I hate that because it makes me feel like they're not interested, even if that's not the case. But all and all, dinner was fine. After that we walked back to his place and listened to music. See, he's a music lover like me, only a vastly different style of music than I'd ever heard. He introduced me to quite a few styles I'd never heard of before and it was very cool. I felt very comfortable around him. We spent about 3 hours at his place before I had to leave and go meet my friend at the bar. Of course, we made out a little bit, just kissing and stuff, but the music that was playing made it very sexy to me. It was fun. I tried to take off his shirt, but he was like "no. No clothes come off on the first date." I was very impressed. I don't know if that's a general rule or just a rule he had for me, but if it was a general rule, I was very impressed indeed. So, we kissed a little more and he walked me down and we said good night. My feeling is I'll see him again, but I dont' know how far it will go. While I definitely like him and I think he likes me as well, there were no wild sparks flying about, but who are we kidding, those sparks are extremely rare, especially on a first date. So, I have no idea what could develop. The key and the fun thing is just to take it bit by bit, one day and one date at a time. Like I said in my previous post, at the very least, I've met a great guy.
The Second Michael - I've referred to him previously as 'the boy'. I've referred to him previously as my ex. In fact, he is the one that broke my heart so recently that I set out on a mission to find real love. I don't know if I was in love with him or not, but I know I was absolutely fucking out of my mind crazy about him, that's for sure. When we broke up, I hurt ... real bad, so bad my friend had to dope me up on anxiety medication just so I could make it through the day. But you know what, I got over it. I got over him. And now, after I messed up and called him Sunday, he finally got around to calling me yesterday, right before my date with the first Michael, ironically enough. He apologized for not calling me Monday like he had promised and wanted us to get together. I told him, with a certain amout of pleasure, that I already had plans. He was very inquisitive about what I was doing and who I was having these plans with, and for some odd reason I took a small amount of pleasure in that, too. I told him we could get together Thursday (tonight) if he was free and he said he would have to get back to me because he didn't know whether or not he had plans. (*bullshit*) Now, one of my friends has already told me she would be really upset with me if I went out with him again. (She doesn't even think I should be speaking with him.) Everyone who knew about him told me from the jump he was not the one for me. Even I, when I stepped back and looked at it objectively, realized we were radically different. But why couldn't I delete his number on Sunday? Why can't I say 'no' to an invitation from him? Why, when everything he did and said annoyed the shit out of me at one point or another, did I crave to be with him soooo much when we were together? He was never mean, never abusive, I've never caught him in a lie (which is not to say he never lied) ... the reason I ended it with him is because he could not give me what I needed. He was not ready for a relationship with me ... or with anyone, in my opinion. And he wasn't willing to change. I honestly think he's just clueless about what it means to be 'boyfriends'. And I think he's still struggling with his sexuality. Nobody knows he's gay ... or bi or whatever. So, should I see him again? Even as friends? Is this a road I want to go down? I know I'm over him, but that's not to say I couldn't fall for him again because I could. The few moments we shared together that were good ... were SO fucking good! And I don't mean sexual wise, cuz he needs some work in that department, truth be told, but just the intimacy and being with him ... I've never felt like that with anyone in my life. It was and continues to be inexplicable and scary. And who's to say if we continue to be 'friends' that at some point in time he WILL finally grow up and mature and be ready for a relationship? Who's to say that I won't be available at that moment? And who's to say we wouldn't be perfect for each other ... someday? I know I'm dreaming, but I think I should at least keep the lines of communication open and be casual friends with him, because you never know how people will change or how your life will alter. I mean, he's only 23. I'm not even close to being the same man I was at 23! So, if he's willing to be friends, so am I, but I will ... I MUST ... protect my heart at all costs. And by all means, I'll keep looking "4 the real thing", keep dating and always keep being true to myself.
The Third Michael - I'm at the local gay bar again last night and I look over and see this really cute guy and immediately I know that I've seen him before, only not in person. I'd chatted with him online at least twice ... months and months ago! The fact that I remember him and remember talking with him and even remember what we talked about all those months ago is pretty significant. So, I walk up to him, in the bathroom of all places (ok, I followed him in there ... he was with friends, u know how hard that is!) and I said hello and said that we'd spoken online before. He remembered me but neither one of us could remember each others' names. Well, you already know his! So, he goes back to his friends after asking me if I'd be around for awhile. Later on we start talking. And we talk for about an hour. I'm really attracted to him physically, he has it going on the "life" dept., he's intelligent, he's humorous, and from what I can tell, he's available! I didn't ask for his number, though. I'd just had a good date, I didn't need to be pressed. But before we left, he asked for mine. Now, I know I know, just because a guy asks for your number doesn't mean he'll actually call you ... but, he programmed it into his phone and I'd already given him my "business card" and he had studied it (and it clearly had my number on there) and he asked for my number again anyway. Clearly, he did that to let me know he was interested? Well, I still didn't ask for his number. I didn't want it. You know from my previous post how I hate making the first call, yet I always find myself in that position, so I avoided putting myself in that position. So, he'll have to do it. I have a sneaking suspicion he won't, just because most men are so goddamned predictable and pussies, but if he does ... something could happen. I'd definitely be into him ... assuming of course he's not a jack ass, moron or serial killer.
So, there you have it ... 3 Michaels in one night. At this point, if I were a betting man I'd put my money on The First Michael to win the prize (the prize being me). But this is life, as you know, and in the game of life all bets are off!
"A man can tell a thousand lies, I've learned my lesson well." - Madonna, Live to Tell
posted by Saturn at
2:05 PM
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